Strong
by Sumthinelse
Summary: Hitsugaya always thought of himself as strong, but his own actions lead him to a true realization of how weak he can be. Hitsu/Hina other characters as well, some non-con.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or any of its characters

Hitsugaya Toshiro slammed into his quarters and paced back and forth angrily. He was angry at Momo, but he was mostly angry with himself. His hands trembled and he fisted them tightly. He continued to pace for several more minutes, unable to stop moving. If he stopped moving, he'd have to think. He didn't want to think; he went to his desk, pulling out some of his lieutenant's sake bottles. He rarely indulged but this was one night that he didn't want his senses, or memories, to be sharp. He poured out a small cup and drank it quickly, followed by a second and then a third. He was about to sit when he heard a hesitant knock at his door.

Hitsugaya was at the door before the knocking was finished and opened the door. He was surprised to see Kyoraku Sunshi, Capatain of the 8th Division's stubbly face smiling mildly at him. He had his straw hat tipped back and his pink kimono fluttered in the breeze.

"Good evening, Toshiro-San," He said, warmly. I was out taking a walk and thought I smelled some sake. He glanced down at the younger captain's hand. It was still tightly wrapped around the neck of the bottle. "I thought I would save you the hangover tomorrow." He was already reclining on the couch before Hitsugaya could blink.

"Kyoraku Taicho," he finally said, by way of greeting. The surreal quality of the previous events of the evening made the appearance of the older captain low on the strangeness scale for tonight. "Why are you out so late?" The older man rarely came to Hitsugaya's quarters, and never for a social call.

"Sit and pour, Toshiro-San." Kyoraku's voice hadn't changed from its usual style of sliding out words as gently and smoothly as waves on a sandy beach, but the younger man had an idea that there was something going on in the man's head.

Hitsugaya fetched a second cup and poured them both a serving. He raised his own cup to his lips but the 8th Division captain held his out as if to toast.

"Are we drinking to something?" The silver-haired Captain asked.

"Always drink to something, Toshiro-San," Kyoraku said, with a smile. "Otherwise, you're just a drunk."

"Then what should we drink to tonight?"

"To women."

Hitsugaya's hand stopped halfway back to his mouth. He hesitated for a few seconds before lifting it and giving the barest nod in agreement. Then he poured them both another cup and drank his own quickly, not caring if it made him look like a drunk.

"Why did you come, tonight, Shunsui-san?" He asked, as politely as he could around the slight twist in his mouth from the strong drink. "I'm sure you have plenty of sake of your own."

"Drinking with a comrade is always better than drinking alone." The big man sipped at his own cup thoughtfully. Hitsugaya watched him and felt, not for the first time, a slight stab of jealousy. They were about as opposite as two people could be while remaining the same gender. The younger Captain was slight and fair with smooth skin and sharp, turquoise eyes. Despite his age, he still resembled a boy. Kyoraku was big and broad and hairy with a perpetual good-natured expression. Not only physically, but in their personalities they differed even more. Hitsugaya worked hard to remain composed at all times. His demeanor was chilly by nature, and he was probably the most serious captain, if not the most serious shinigami in the gotei 13. The 8th squad leader was laid-back and constantly chased women. And if the rumors were true, he usually caught them as well.

"I don't normally drink at all," Hitsugaya said, his voice slightly tinged with resentment. The drinks he'd already consumed seemed to be working.

"And tonight you chose to drink alone, in your quarters, late at night after visiting a…friend?"

"How-?" he started, but didn't bother to finish the question. He just waited.

"I was just dozing off on the roof next to the Lieutenant's quarters," he said by way of explanation. "My Nanao-chan knows to keep her windows covered, but not all of them do." There was no apology in his voice. "Your lieutenant doesn't bother to cover her windows, ever." He said. He didn't appear to notice the younger man's hand tightening on his cup. "She even leaves them open sometimes." Hitsugaya seethed in silence. "Momo-chan is careful to cover the bathroom windows when she bathes but sometimes-"

"Stay away from her!" The porcelain cup in his hands shattered when his reiatsu surged unexpectedly. Without moving a muscle, the older captain's reiatsu answered it, opening up and putting a damper on the younger man's anger.

"You'll wake everyone, Toshiro-san. I just came here to talk." He waited while the younger man regained some composure. "I heard you arguing," he said, finally. "I saw what you did."

Shame washed over Hitsugaya Toshiro in hot, agonizing waves. He thought back, with more clarity than he wished, to the events of the evening.


	2. Chapter 2

"_Momo-chan?" Hitsugaya stuck his head onside the open door to Hinamori Momo's quarters. His paperwork has been completed early, and they were supposed to eat their dinner together that evening. He didn't want to startle her, but she'd left the door open a crack. He saw her at her desk; she was reading something and looked engrossed, she still wore her shinigami robes, but her hair was down. She didn't notice him so he walked in and approached. "What are you working on?" He asked, curiously. Her reaction was fast. She looked up at him with an expression of guilt and immediately tried to gather up the papers on her desk. Without thinking, Hitsugaya flash-stepped closer to her and wrestled the pile of papers from her grasp._

"_No, Shiro-chan!" Momo's voice was tinged with panic. "Those are private."_

_He held them away from her with amusement and placed a hand on her forehead to keep her at arms' length. The way she'd done it to him so many times in the past. _

"_Is it a secret?" he asked playfully as she made a grab for the papers. She was blushing furiously, but he noticed a look of panic and fear in her eyes, so he relaxed his hold on her and she lunged for the bundle and snatched it from his hands. _

"_Momo, I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to…"_

"_Be a pest?" she snapped at him, a little sharper than usual. "Well you are." She stuffed the letters in her drawer and shut it. She took a few deep breaths and looked out the window, composing herself. "Now, that's-" She stopped when she saw her friend bent slightly and staring at the floor. She hurried over and noticed a single letter that they'd dropped. She moved to retrieve it but as she reached his side, his hand was suddenly fisted in the front of her robes. He didn't pull her or push her, he just held her there, at arms' length again but there was nothing teasing about his demeanor any longer. She looked down at the letter and saw the first thing that would have drawn his attention. It was addressed to former captain Aizen._

"_Shiro-chan, I can explain."_

"_Stop talking." He felt himself fill with an icy rage tinged with pain. He felt the control over his reiatsu start to crack; a frost spread out beneath his feet on the floor and he could see Momo's breath. He bent down to pick up the letter and when she made a move to take it from him; he just moved his arm so she was standing almost behind him. He didn't release her robes, he just held her away from him. _

_Hinamori Momo was blushing with embarrassment. _

"_Please, listen, Shiro-Chan," she pleaded. "It's not what you think."_

"_It's spelled out quite…explicitly." His voice was colder than the room. _

_Momo closed her eyes and a tear slipped out of her eye and rolled down her cheek until it froze into a crystal bead. The letter was one she'd written long ago._

"'_I cannot forget the feel of your strong hands on my skin, and the way your lips felt upon mine.'" Hitsugaya read the words aloud. "It gets better too, what's to misunderstand?" The room got colder and Momo started to shiver._

"_Shiro-" she began._

"_Hitsugaya Taichou," he corrected. Fury grew in his chest. He could not stop himself from reading the letter in its entirety. When he was finished, he tucked the letter away in his pocket and turned to the woman beside him. "I am a Captain, you are a Lieutenant." He pulled her closer and pretended not to notice her wince as her bare feet left her rug and she stepped onto the frosty floor. "I should turn this letter over to Commander Yamamato."_

"_Please, Toshiro," she said, with wide eyes. She reached for him and placed her hands on either side of his face. "You must listen to me about that letter."_

"_Listen to what?" He demanded in a quiet voice. "You had an affair with your Taichou and wrote him dirty letters. You nearly died at his hands but you still keep them." He shrugged and looked away from her. She closed her hands around his._

"_Please listen to me."_

"_You pine for the man who almost killed you and left me to watch you recover, still worshipping him."_

"_I'm sorry Toshiro." She pulled at his fingers with no effect then reached for his face again. She tried to turn him to look at her. _

_Not wanting to feel her gentle touch, Hitsugaya shoved her away from him. She stumbled backwards but remained standing. "You wouldn't understand," she said, bitterly, crossing her arms over her chest and turning away, flicking the frozen tear off her cheek. _

"_I wouldn't understand?" Hitsugaya raised his voice. "Why? Because you think I'm a child?" _

_Then it happened. He hadn't meant it, but it seemed beyond his control. "You'd prefer the touch of that Demon, Aizen?" The words came out before he could stop them. "And turn me away?" And then he kissed her. _

_It wasn't the kiss he'd thought about giving her. In the last few years, Hitsugaya's thoughts about his long-time friend had changed. She had changed little, physically, but he had started to notice her differently. They'd slept beside each other for years before joining the Gotei 13, he had twined his fingers in her hair and she'd admonished him for waking with a mass of knots from his attentions. Now he noticed the softness of the silky strands and thought about other things. Things that made him grab a handful of hair and pull her face to him._

_Hitsugaya's mouth crushed Hinamori's and their teeth knocked together. She clutched at his shoulder and tried to push him away but he held on to her and they fell together to the rug. She landed on her back and he bumped his chin on her collarbone. She tried to lever herself off the floor with her elbows; Hitsugaya gripped her bare shoulder, where her robe had fallen, with bruising fingers._

"_Toshiro please listen to me," Hinamori begged._

"_Did he listen to you, Momo?" he hissed back at her. "He ran you through and you love him still, is this how he treated you when you were together?" He moved his hands to her wrists and stared down at her. She did not fight him, but she was afraid. Her robe had loosened, giving him a good look at more of her soft skin than he had seen in over a century. Her breasts were small but firm and when his icy breath came out and bathed her chest, her nipples hardened. She blushed with embarrassment but did not look away. His body responded and when she felt him, hard against her thigh, she turned even redder. He lay on top of her with one knee on the floor between her legs. _

_The beast that roared inside of him whispered softly. 'It would be so easy, wouldn't it?' And it would be easy. For a few heartbeats, he thought with his anger and imagined groping those firm breasts, tearing aside her robes and feeling other places. Places Aizen had touched. He would place his fingers there first, to know what she felt like and then he could loosen his trousers while holding her with one hand and be inside her in seconds. Then, Hinamori would understand; once she was impaled by him, she would understand him. She would not be able to ignore him as a man._

"_Shiro-Chan," she said, softly, bringing him back to the present. He stared at her with clear eyes and the chill evaporated from the room. She looked sad now, not afraid, just sad. She didn't struggle but he let go of her and noticed the angry, red welts he'd left on her shoulder and wrists. He was lying on top of the woman he cared more for than anyone. He was lying on top of her and holding her down, and bullying her and he'd even thought about… He backed away from her and got up off the floor. She continued to lie there, but fixed her robe to cover herself. _

"_Momo-chan," he started to say, reaching out a hand but she gave the barest flinch and he stopped. Stunned by what he'd done. He left, going back to his quarters and getting a bottle of sake._

"You saw that?" Hitsugaya couldn't look the older Captain in the eye.

"I saw it," Kyoraku said, solemnly. "And had she remained beneath you for another heartbeat, you'd have had to deal with me."


	3. Chapter 3

"I wish you had stopped me sooner."

"You stopped yourself, Toshiro-san." He sipped his drink. "You don't know how important that is." He shrugged. "But you reacted to anger and jealousy with violence against a woman who would be helpless even if she'd tried to fight." He set his drink down and became still.

"She'll never speak to me again."

"It's possible."

"She'll never look at me again."

"Also possible."

"She'll never love me."

"How do you think she feels right now?"

The question startled the younger Captain but the older man went on. "I know you feel badly about your actions, and I can tell you're worried about Hinamori, and you're angry at yourself for losing control like that." He paused thoughtfully. "But have you put yourself in her place?"

Truthfully, Hitsugaya had not. People had stayed away from him before he'd become a Shinigami, and they pretty much still did. In training he'd lost plenty of fights, and still got injured in battle, but those injuries and the physical weakness he'd felt then were nothing in comparison to the very personal nature of what he'd been doing.

"No, I did not."

"Think about what could have happened," he continued. "She'll probably have bruises tomorrow and you'll have to look at them and know that you got angry and hurt her." He sat back and regarded the other captain. "If you'd…finished things, she would have needed to go see Unohana, Taichou. She would be hurt and possibly bleeding inside."

"If this is a sex talk, you can save it," Hitsugaya said, quietly. "I know what I could have done to her."

"It's a talk about control. And you lost it." The older Captain's voice was edgier than before. "It may have been centuries ago, but I was your age once and I had far less control than you do."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I never kissed any women and then threw them onto the floor in a rage and held them against their will." He leaned back casually and Hitsugaya winced at the harsh words. "But I do admit that there were several times I was…pushier than I needed to be." He continued after a sip of sake. "I've never been a violent man, but when your emotions and your body don't do what they should, you rationalize things in your mind. You're tempted to try a little harder to convince the girl that she does want it…even when she doesn't."

"Tempted." Hitsugaya raised his eyes to the 8th squad leader. Maybe it was the sake, but he felt the confession come out of him, unbidden. "I was tempted," he said. "I was angry with her for being with Aizen, and I wanted-" His jaw clenched at the memory. "I wanted her to be mine, and not his." He slumped in defeat and poured himself another drink. "For just a second, I thought about doing it." He raised his eyes to Kyoraku. "I actually considered it." He shook his head. "I know that it was her choice to be with Aizen-"

"She was never with Aizen." The words dropped like a stone into a pond and their significance rippled over him.

"What?"

"When she was injured by him, and you were not awake to answer questions, we did not know how long he'd been alone with her." He pursed his lips. "I was there when Unohana Taichou said she would need to examine Hinamori-chan to find out if he'd done more than stab her with his sword. I did not observe, but Unohana reported that there were no signs that she'd ever been with him…or any man."

Horror and shame washed over the fresh wounds that the older Captain's words had opened. Hitsugaya pressed his knuckles into his forehead before standing up.

"But the letter said..." He reached inside his pocket for it and showed it to the other Captain. He glanced at it and handed it back.

"The letter was in her possession, Toshiro-San, so she did not send it. It sounds like a fantasy letter to me. She probably just wrote it and put it away." He drank more sake. "Have you ever been with a woman, Toshiro-san?" The younger man shook his head. "When the timing is right, the act of love is the most mentally, emotionally, and physically rewarding experience a young man can have." He closed his eyes for a moment. "The feel of soft skin, silky hair, and heavy eyes; there is nothing like it. It is the most beautiful thing to behold." He ignored the blush rising on the silver-haired Captain's cheeks. "When she takes you into her body, or her mouth," he corrected frankly, making Hitsugaya go pale, "you will feel like a King." He poured another drink for the younger man. "It is not just the feeling of being engulfed by warmth, it is the connection you make with a woman who has given you her trust. There is not always love," he admitted with a shrug, "but there is intimacy."

"I need to go and talk to her, to apologize." He moved to the door but the bigger man blocked him.

"You need to leave her alone, Hitsugaya Taichou," he said quietly. "She is upset and probably afraid of you. You are drunk and out of control. You will wait until tomorrow when she feels safer."

"I won't hurt her."

"What if she doesn't want to listen? What if she runs away? It's easy to hold on too tightly. Tonight you must leave her alone." Kyoraku's voice had regained its gentleness. "And I'm not done talking to you yet."

Hitsugaya bowed his head solemnly. If the older man only wanted to lecture him until dawn, he was lucky.

"There is a place in Rukongai, district 12," The big man began. "I'll show you where it is. You'll need to start going there soon. I can't have you running around with a loaded gun all the time. You'll get cranky." He reached into his sleeve and pulled out a small bag of coins. He removed several. "Take this." He held out several coins to Hitsugaya. "Don't pay more than that unless you have some …special needs. They always try to overcharge the young ones."

"What are you talking about?"

Kyoraku sighed heavily. "The night is still young, come with me." He placed a heavy hand on the younger Captain's shoulder. "Keep up." And they were off.


	4. Chapter 4

Hinamori:

Hinamori Momo stayed on the floor for several minutes. She ran over the previous events in her head. Hitsugaya Toshiro had frightened her. He could be short-tempered at times, but he'd always been so protective of her. She never thought he could get so angry. He forgave her for trying to kill him, but the letter had infuriated him. She stared at the specks of water that covered the floor. They were drying quickly now that he was gone.

It was all because of her stupid infatuation with her former Captain. She should've thrown the letters away long ago, but she just hadn't tried to look for them before tonight. When she came across them while cleaning for her guest, she'd sat down to read them. She could remember the feelings she'd had then, but she had tried to stop blaming herself for a crush. He'd misled her into thinking he was perfect and worthy of her affections. Like a fool, she'd written down fantasy love letters to him. Then Shiro-chan had read one. She blinked away tears and focused on her breathing. He'd gone from easygoing teasing to a violent rage by just reading.

Hinamori knew she'd said the wrong thing. He was hurting because he believed her to be harboring a continued attachment to her sociopathic former Captain. She understood why he got angry, when she'd said he wouldn't understand. She hadn't meant it to sound like she thought of him as a child. But of course he had; she treated him like one all the time. Now he'd made certain that she knew he was no longer the boy who'd slept beside her in Rukongai. The memory of his angry grip on her bare skin and the way he'd kissed her and then pinned her down. She'd seen the monster in his angelic face; the monster that he was capable of being. She tried not to think of his icy breath on her breasts, and the way his body had revealed his response. Then she sat up and cursed herself out loud for her stupidity.

"Hinamori-San?" Her door opened tentatively and Nanao Ise poked her spectacled head in. "I thought I heard an argument." She rubbed her arms briskly, "It's cold in here." She noticed that Hinamori was still sitting on the floor and went to her, kneeling beside her friend and placing a hand on her shoulder. "Are you alright?"

"Yes," Hinamori said, quickly. "I am fine." She stood up and brushed off her pants and re-tied her shirt.

"What happened, Momo-San?" Nanao placed a gentle hand on the side of her face. "You've been crying."

"It's all my fault," she said, feeling tears fill her eyes again.

"I doubt that," Nanao said with a slight edge to her voice. Few things you get upset over, Momo-chan, are actually your fault." She looked around the room. "What happened here tonight?"

Nanao Ise's piercing gaze bore into Hinamori's and she found herself telling her friend what had occurred. Nanao's anger was expected, but instead of running off to a higher authority, instead, she had a more devious plan.

Hitsugaya:

There was little point in going incognito to a whorehouse in Soul Society. People knew who the Sinigami were, and Kyoraku told him that Captains got a discount.

Hitsugaya was drunk enough not to argue about going to the establishment, but not too drunk that he didn't pay attention to his surroundings.

The older captain was greeted enthusiastically by several of the women. They all varied in ages, sizes and appearance, but the majority of them were dressed in bright, cheap-looking kimonos with painted faces and lips. Hitsugaya watched as Kyoraku spoke quietly to an older woman dressed in silk who carried a fan. He glanced at the younger man and nodded. Several minutes later, a brown-haired woman with blue eyes slipped her fingers through his and led him away. He tried not to think about where he was; the drinks he'd had were still hitting him and he was very pleasantly buzzed. She brought him to a small room and turned him to face her. He handed her the coins.

"Kyoraku-sama said you might like to spend some time with me." She removed the chipped comb that held her hair and shook it down around her shoulders.

"Yes," he answered, not sure what else to say.

"It is your first time here?"

"Yes."

"Do you like me?"

"Yes."

"Do you want to come in my mouth?"

"Yes." He had answered automatically and blinked drowsily at her.

"You have a very beautiful face," she said, stroking his soft cheek. "I have not…met someone as young as you."

"I am older than I look."

"So am I."

When she spoke, Hitsugaya stopped asking questions. He allowed her to remove his sash and unfasten his trousers. She opened his shirt and stroked her long fingernails over his smooth chest. He shivered and felt himself begin to swell, against his better judgment, but he took the 8th division Captain's advice to get rid of the pressure before he exploded.

The lovely whore's breath trailed down his stomach and he closed his eyes. Her warm fingers closed around his shaft. He leaned back against the wall and clenched his hands into fists as she played with him, making him harder. Next door he could hear masculine grunts followed by a triumphant shout. He felt shame and a little bit of depression as he took one last look at his surroundings before his whore's lips closed around him, hot and soft. Just like Kyoraku had said. It was bliss.

"You can call out her name, if you want. I don't mind."

Hitsugaya glanced downward and the dark-haired head that was rhythmically moving forward and back reminded him of his Hinamori. He wanted to stop but it felt so good. He started to lose his balance but the whore steadied him with a hand on his pale hip. He knew he would be lost very soon. Hitsugaya closed his eyes again and tried to imagine his Momo in the place of the whore he's paid for this. His hips began to rock forward as tears welled up in his eyes and spilled down his cheeks. He was reduced to visiting a place like this and paying a stranger to pleasure him. There was no intimacy here. Kyoraku had not been completely honest, humiliation washed over the 10th division Captain as he climaxed.

The whore left quietly and did not say anything to him about the tears that streamed down his face. Discreet; that was the word Kyoraku had used. He shoved his clothing back into place and dizzily pushed himself back to his feet. Hitsugaya left with a burning face and went downstairs. Kyoraku saw him and nodded to him. He left and used flash-steps to take him deep into the forest. When he was finally away from any prying eyes and ears, he collapsed into a heap and cried. He screamed his rage into the night and cursed himself, Aizen, and Momo. He eventually drifted off on a cloud of Sake and self-loathing, not waking until early morning. He patrolled with his division and did not see Momo until nightfall.


	5. Chapter 5

Eventually, Hitsugaya made his way to Hinamori's quarters. He felt terrible, both physically from the hangover and emotionally. He stood for several minutes outside her door before he got the courage to knock. He waited until the door slid back.

Hinamori was slightly paler than usual; she didn't say anything, she just stepped back and bowed. He removed his shoes and walked in. She stood next to him when she closed the door and he inhaled the fresh scent of her hair. She backed away as soon as the door was shut.

"Thank you," he said, feeling stupid. "I wanted to talk to you about last night. She nodded but continued to stand several feet away with her hands clasped in front of her.

"Do you have control tonight?" The question was a surprise.

"What?" he asked, not sure he heard correctly.

"Do you have control over your reiatsu?" Momo's voice was mild but devoid of warmth. "I do not wish for my floor to crack from you freezing every time you get angry."

"Oh," he replied. "Yes, I think I do." He paused, "I understand about the letters-" he began but she snapped her head up and her eyes were bright and angry.

"You understand?"

"Yes," he struggled, not expecting this reaction. "I-uh, got a lecture from Kyoraku Taichou last night about my behavior and he told me that you and Aizen Sousuke had never…you know."

"So that means you have forgiven me?"

"Well-yes…No, wait, that didn't-" he fumbled over his words and Hinamori Momo was suddenly standing in front of him. She slapped him across the face. Really hard. He was stunned and shook his head to clear it. Then she slapped him again and he automatically grabbed her wrists. She glanced down at his hands, then back up at his face meaningfully. He let her arms go and put his hands by his sides. He noticed the dark, purple-red marks he'd made the previous night. He didn't even bother to close his eyes when she slapped him again.

"The first two were for last night," She said, rubbing her palm. "That last one was for what you just said."

"I know I was wrong about you and Aizen Sousuke."

"Irrelevant, Hitsugaya Taichou." Hearing her use his formal title was painful. "What I did or did not do with him does not matter." She was standing, proud and straight with her chin tilted up in defiance. "I wrote those letters a long time ago and they were not addressed to you. Why I still have them is also none of your business." She held out her hand. "Give me back the one you took."

Hitsugaya removed the letter from his pocket and handed it to her. As soon as it touched her hands, it burst into flame and was reduced to ashes. He drew back from her slightly.

"You had no right to take that letter and read it, you had no right to judge me and not let me explain. You do not have my permission to touch me, you do not have my permission to kiss me." She hissed the last few words at him and he flinched. "You should not have touched me in anger, and pushed me around. You should not have held me against my will." She stopped talking and waited.

"I know." He dropped his head. "I understand."

"Maybe you know," she said, "but I doubt you understand."

She turned and gestured for him to sit on her couch. She had set a pot of tea and several cups. He sat opposite her and accepted the tea she offered.

"I'm sorry, Hinamori-san." She said nothing so he drank some of his tea in silence. She refilled his cup for him and he courteously drank it. "I don't know what came over me." His fingers trembled and he had to set the cup down for fear of dropping it. His hands were shaking and his vision went out of focus. "Have you poisoned me?"

"Yes," she replied and he groped blindly for his power but it seemed out of reach. He collapsed to the floor and blacked out.

Hinamori exhaled a long breath she'd been holding. The drug Nanao had given her had worked as quickly as promised. She opened the bathroom door and Nanao came out. Together they hoisted the young Captain and carried him into her sleeping chamber.

"When he wakes, he will be disoriented," Nanao said, loosening his clothing. They stripped him bare and covered him with a light blanket. "Are you sure you're ready for this?" The older Lieutenant gripped her shoulder firmly. "We can dump him in the middle of the square like this."

"I can't do that."

"I think he'd understand your motivation."

"It's okay, this is better."

"Okay, let's do it." Together they wove a complicated kidou that required a lot of power. Hinamori was good, she knew, but Hitsugaya was stronger than she; Nanao's power combined with hers gave her an edge.

When Hitsugaya Toshiro woke, the first thing he felt was the absence of Hyourinmaru. He flexed his fingers experimentally and stretched. Sensations of a soft blanket over his skin brought him to the realization that he was naked, under a blanket. He tried to sit up but found himself bound by Kidou bonds. He shook his head to clear it and his eyes focused on Hinamori. She was seated, primly at his side. She blinked at him and reached out a hand to touch his forehead.

"Wha-what are you doing?" Hitsugaya slurred. "What did you give me?"

"A fast-acting, temporary poison," she answered. "It won't kill you."

"Glad to hear that." He struggled again. "Why did you bind me?"

"Because I wanted you to feel how I felt." Her expression remained stoic. "And I don't trust you right now."

"And the restraints help?" His head was clearing a little. "What about the nudity?"

"Vulnerability, helplessness," she said. "That what I was feeling last night." She felt his fingers and feet, "Your circulation is fine," she said, finally. "Let's talk."

"Talk?" He looked confused. "You did this to talk to me?"

"Yes, but the poison I gave you inhibits your ability to lie." She let the words sink in. "I'm sure if you tried really hard, you could do it, but I don't really think it is in your nature."

"I'm always hiding things…" he trailed off. "Hey, it does work," he concluded gloomily.

"What made you so angry last night?" She asked, folding her arms across her chest. "Did you think I still had a relationship with Aizen Sousuke?"

"No." He struggled to hold back his words. "I was hurt, and I was jealous." He blushed with the admission but couldn't seem to stop. "I saw the letter and I just thought about you with Aizen, even if it was a long time ago. I was reading your feelings for another man."

"When you read about those feelings, what did you want to do?" Hinamori took that opportunity to slide her hand under the blanket and rest it on his ankle.

Hitsugaya took a few deep breaths to calm his racing heart. "I wanted to kill Aizen Sousuke," He said through gritted teeth. "I wanted to rip his throat out with my bare hands for hurting you and for seducing you." He treid to move his leg away from her. "What do you want me to say?"

"I'm asking the questions tonight," Hinamori replied. "Last night you didn't want answers." He remained silent. "What did you want to do…to me?"

It was a loaded question, and Hitsugaya did not think he could lie to her at all.

"Why did you kiss me?" She asked, leaning closer.

"You said I wouldn't understand and I thought you were implying that sex was a mystery to me because you thought I was immature." He closed his eyes and swallowed audibly. "I kissed you because I wanted to prove to you that I was a man."

"Great job," she snapped, pinching him.

"Ow!" he complained. "I'm answering your questions.

"I never said the truth would keep you safe, only that you couldn't avoid it easily."

Hitsugaya looked at Hinamori carefully. He stared at her eyes. When she was hurting inside but putting on a smiling face, her eyes gave her away. Right now, her eyes held a lot of anger and were very, very serious.

"I could shout for help," Hitsugaya pushed and pulled against his bonds.

"We've got some privacy with another kidou."

"Shit." He tried to bring up his reiatsu again with the same results as before. "Where did you get the poison?"

"I asked Nanao-san to get some from Nemu-san."

"You gave me something cooked up by that crazy bastard in the technology department?" He was getting red-faced and tried to move the rest of his body around.

Hinamori felt a slight slip in her control over the bonds so instead she tried to distract him. She pinched his leg, further up.

"Pay attention!" she snapped. "I still owe you some bruises."

"Momo-chan, I'm sorry!" Hitsugaya exploded. "I'm sorry I hurt you and scared you and I'm sorry I lost my temper and I promise it won't happen again."

"Tell me why."

"I don't have an answer for you!" he practically shouted. "I wasn't thinking clearly. I was so angry and I wanted-" He managed to clamp his lips shut over the rest of his comment. "What do you want?"

"I want to see the monster again," she said, laying a hand on his forehead. "I want to see the monster with the angel's face who was there in place of my friend.

Hinamori was frustrated because he'd been so close to an admission. She laid a cool hand on his forehead and whispered several words. Then she spoke to him.

"Think back, Shiro-chan," she said, and Hitsugaya felt part of him float back to that night.

His senses remembered what his mind did not want to.

_He could feel the rough carpet digging into his knee and the tiny split in his lip from Momo's teeth. He could feel her, warm and soft beneath him. Her leg shifted and bumped his growing erection. His gaze remained on her breasts and the anger spoke to him again. 'It would be so easy'._

"Wake up."

Hitsugaya opened his eyes. He was lying on the bed again, and to his horror, was fully erect. Hinamori was sitting beside him. Tears ran down her cheeks.

"Momo-chan," he said, desperately. "I stopped, I didn't do it."

"I know, Shiro-chan." She continued to cry. "I thought I lost my illusions after I healed from Aizen's wounds. It took a long time, but I finally realized that everything I'd believed about him was a lie." Her shoulders shook. "You were the person I trusted more than anyone and I didn't think you were really capable of considering those actions." She hiccupped loudly and spoke the words necessary to break the kidou bonds. Hitsugaya sat up but remained under the blanket.

"I have killed, Momo-san," he said, swinging his legs over the side of the bed and wrapping the blanket around his waist. "I have fought and killed as my duty to gotei 13. I knocked you unconscious to save you, when you were out of your mind." He went to the chair in the corner that held is clothes and put on his pants before dropping the blanket. "You drew your sword and tried to kill me once," he continued, turning around to face her. He was exhausted and felt sick inside. "We are flawed and capable of many things." He returned to her side and used his thumb to brush a few tears away from her cheek. "We never know what these things are until the right buttons are pressed. He leaned down and kissed the top of her head. "I am more than just the things I'm capable of." He turned and left, pulling on the rest of his clothes in the front room before leaving and returning to his quarters.


End file.
